You know what’s hard? Being a mom. You know what’s harder? Being a mom and starting up your own business.

But what I found even harder than that? Being a mom, starting your own business and then finding out you are pregnant again!

At first, I thought to myself “Hey, no problem! I can do this. I am up for the challenge.” Until….. haha… until the pregnancy hormones kicked in and all of a sudden I was bedridden from intense nausea and spent my days worshiping the porcelain gods.

I had these beautiful plans, I was on a roll, my business was gaining momentum, and then, out of the blue, I was dealing with hyperemesis gravidarum.

So what happened next? ….. Nothing! That’s what!  I had to put everything on hold. Imagine that! To top that off, the guilt I felt was relentless. As mommies, we naturally carry enough guilt as it is, but being that sick took my guilt to a whole new level.

I struggled with taking care of my 2.5 year old daughter Renata, never mind trying to take care of myself or focusing on my photography business – yeah right – that was virtually non-existent!

I am an ambitious stay at home mom who never had any problems with “taking it all on”.  I thought I could continue this way during my second pregnancy… boy was I wrong – and it took me by surprise.

I tried all the home remedies and nothing worked. Finally, I had to resort to anti-nausea medication.
That was not an easy pill to swallow (pun intended)!  Whoever knows me well, knows that I am a super holistic person and mama – I mean clean organic eating, homemade meals, minimal household chemicals, drying clothes outdoors, extended breastfeeding, baby-wearing, walking barefoot almost all the time and hugging trees.

To have to rely on pharmaceuticals to get me through my days was not an easy pill to swallow (pun intended)!

But I didn’t have any other choice. I had to use them to gain some control. And guess what? It helped….sort of. Aside from feeling guilty about not being able to be there fully for my daughter, it really took a toll on my business as well. I had so many ideas that I wanted to execute but all of my dreams had to be put on hold while I make this baby.

It’s funny how life plays out sometimes.  We make plans that are supposed to go one way, but sometimes the Universe has other ideas!

I am now 20 weeks pregnant, and although I am in a better state, my body still will not let me push myself. Sometimes we just need to slow down and listen. Sometimes we need to go into a state of incubation and just BE. And that’s exactly what I have learned and accepted from this experience. After all, I am making a human being.

Nikolina is a mom to a 2.5 yr old girl named Renata, and is expecting her second little girl in November 2016. She lives in Caledon, in the small community of Alton. She is the photo artist behind Maiden to Mother Photoart.