I was at a sporting event with my kids recently when I noticed a mother struggling with her toddler. This poor woman and child were squared off in a battle of the wills. From what I could gather, this mother was trying to get her 2-year-old to sit still through the entire event which, let’s face it, is something most adults can’t do! This mother’s face was dripping in sweat and frustration (and a touch of embarrassment). She attempted to subdue her daughter to fulfill a greater expectation that she and society had placed on them: “You should be able to manage it all!”
I can tell you from my experience as a parent and a doula that is a load of bull. Nobody can do it all. Most people cannot even get half of the tasks on their daily to-do list done in 24 hours.
I learned very quickly after the birth of my twins that I needed to lower my expectations… Like really, really, really lower them!
I realized that I had to let go of some things. Some more important than others, some negotiable, some non-negotiable (for my sanity):
- what my house looked like
- what foods I had time to prepare
- how often I could shower
- the amount of visitors I could handle
- how much sleep I would get
Then, I had another stark realization. If I didn’t have the time or energy for these things, what about everything else:
- Goodbye hobbies!
- Goodbye free time!
- Good bye date nights!”
As birth doulas and postpartum doulas we are in many people’s homes, in the GTA, Headwater Hills, Halton Hills, Peel Region, and beyond. We can tell you one thing with certainty:
Every parent struggles with expectations vs. reality
No matter how organized of a person you are here are some truths that you will be face with at some point or another during those first few months after baby’s arrival:
- your laundry will pile up
- your dishes will sit in the sink
- you will be smelly and exhausted
- you will question your parenting skills
- you will be trying to figure out a newborn’s demands
- you will be missing your “old life” before baby
All the while though, you will be snapping a bazillion photos of every facial expression, hand movement, yawn, smile and farting face your new baby makes because you are so incredibly in love!
When you have the support of a Lifetime of Love Doula through the first few weeks or months of your postpartum journey, you don’t need to run around trying to clean the house before we arrive, we can take care of tidying up. We will not judge that state that your home is in or the state that you are in for that matter. You don’t have to cook for us or make us tea, we will prepare a meal for you, or get that kettle boiling for a nice warm of tea or coffee! Perhaps you need support with infant feeding? We can help with breastfeeding, pumping or bottle feeding. You don’t need to entertain us while we are there, just pass us the baby and we will hold down the fort while you have a nice long shower, eat that meal that you skipped, or enjoy a guilt fee nap – you can count on us to take care of everything else.
It takes a village…
Everyone needs help after the birth of a baby. Having the support of a doula can make the transition into parenthood less stressful so that you can enjoy all of those incredible moments, without the exhaustion, and you can let go of those great expectations.
We support families in Toronto, Etobicoke, Mississauga, Brampton, Caledon, Milton, Orangeville, Guelph, Newmarket, Vaughan and surrounding communities.
“Morning made a considerable difference in my general prospects of Life and brightened it so much
that is scarcely seemed the same.”
~Charles Dickens Great Expectations